Thursday, June 28, 2012

How To Love Your Prince When He Isn't Charming

If God created a special woman, perfectly suited to be your husband’s helper would you top the list? Would you even make the list?  Did you realize that God created you to be a help meet for your husband?  A helper who is perfectly suited to, worthy of, and capable?
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Gen 2:18)
Neither was the man created for the woman but the woman for the man; Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman; neither the woman without the man, in the Lord (1 Cor 11:9,11)
God is not looking for happy women to make them into help meets for men.  He is looking for women who are willing to be true help meets, so He can fill them full of joy.-- Debi Pearl

Do you view your activities, your talents, your time, your priorities, your wants, your wishes, your needs as more important than your husband’s?  

If any of your answers to these questions, pricked your conscience, then I challenge you to turn over a new leaf and rejoice as you do so, for God has decreed that He will bless us when we keep his commandments. (Leviticus 26: 3-12, 1 Peter 3:1, Revelations 22:14)

When we put our husband first, not because we are forced to, but because we choose to, we get back more of what we always wanted; we get what we didn’t even know we were missing.  As a woman myself who has been on both sides of this fence.  I can unequivocally say God’s way is a lot better than my way.
I have learned to find my life inside of his.  From the beginning, God meant for me and you to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, an encouragement, a right-hand woman to our husband. I picture the Lord saying to me  “I speak unto you, Deanna, my daughter, and the office of thy calling shall be for a comfort unto my servant, Roger, thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness.”*

Ephesians 5:32 “And the wife see that she reverence her husband”
 I looked up reverence in Noah Websters 1828 dictionary because I wanted to read a definition written by a people who regularly read their bibles.  Reverence means to regard with reverence; with fear, with respect and affection.   
God didn’t say obey my husband only if I feel like it or reverence him only if he deserves it or has earned it, or if he’s doing everything he’s supposed to be doing, or only if he’s perfect!  I looked, God didn’t list any exceptions, buts, or what if’s. Reverence is a choice we make that isn't based on our feelings.  When we wives reverence our husbands we show reverence towards God who placed us in that role, under our husband's leadership, under his strength or even under his weakness.

Now I understand that on days when the house is a mess, the kids are fighting, everyone's hungry, dinner's not ready and you're utterly exhausted,  you may look across the room at your man snoozing in the recliner and think “How in the world does he deserve me as his help meet!?”  But who said anything about what he deserves.  You can only find joy in your womanhood when you are functioning according to your created nature. To covet the role of leadership is to covet a burden that will not make God, you, or him happy.  It is not a question of whether or not you can do a better job than he can; it is a matter of doing what you were “designed” to do.  If you successfully do the job of leading the family, you will not find satisfaction in it.  It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you. 

But let me go back and talk about those blessings for our obedience to God’s patriarchal order:  When you make being a help meet your career of choice, your passion: Your excellence as a help meet to him may very well be God’s plan for improving his leadership in the family. As a woman, you cannot take on the male role without permanent damage to the original design.   A lot of our men were not modeled Leadership within the family  when they were growing up and that’s okay.  This life is a time to learn and it’s never too late!!! I no longer get mad at my husband if he doesn’t lead us in prayer or do other things I think he "should" be doing.   Instead, I say to myself --my husband trusts me, he counts on me to make up for where he falls short.
“The heart of my husband, doth safely trust in me”
(Proverbs 31:11)
"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  She will do him good, not evil all the days of her life.  Strength and honor are her clothing.  She openeth her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." This next part is talking about those blessing we’ll get for our obedience. It says, "her children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praiseth her.”  Proverbs 31
What inspiring words.  As a woman whose been on both sides of the fence.  There is a huge difference between having a husband  who loves me because he’s supposed to; to having a husband who often says-- “I love you so much” --  “I’m so lucky to be married to you”--“You are such an awesome wife” and finally “I can’t wait to get home!”

I think of the husband God has given me to teach me how to learn unconditional love, respect, devotion, obedience, charity, kindness, and patience..  All of this even when his hair is a mess and he’s covered head to toe in oil and mud.  It’s not always pretty!  My husband has taught me what it means to be a good man who loves God and his family.  I used to think that meant you had to be a perfect man.  I’ve learned that God wants me to love him when he seems unlovable, to show kindness when I want to be selfish, to forgive when I want to be right, to give respect anyways when I feel like he should earn it first. 

My husband has taught me that he would have done better if he’d known better, that any offense taken was never intentionally given.  He’s taught me that it’s easy to say “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” Life with my husband is the best school room God could ever have put me in to teach me all the things God wants me to learn in this life.  He’s shown me by example what it’s like to never criticize or talk badly to your spouse.  He’s shown me that God uses ordinary, imperfect men to fulfill his purposes and bring us more joy and happiness in life than we ever imagined.  My husband has shown me what faith looks like when he willingly allows God to send all of the children to our family that God wants to send regardless of the enormous pressure he feels to provide  He's shown me again and again that he’ll go to any links to do so even if that means going from a white collar worker at the top of his field to a roughneck on an oil rig down at the bottom.  How I love and respect that man!
Embrace your God ordained Role.  Expect God’s Blessings.  I challenge you, every time you happen to catch your husband’s eye,  reward him with a big smile that says, “You’re the best!  I’m so glad you’re my man. Then tomorrow, do it again!!!


I cannot take credit for the truths presented here, only the huge blessings received from living them. Here are a list of my mentors/books on this subject:
Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Me? Obey Him by Elizabeth Rice Hanford
The Way of Agape: Understanding God's Love by Chuck and Nancy Missler
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Eternal Encouragement Magazine & The Encouraging Mom Program by Lorrie Flem
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
The Holy Bible - by Him whose plan it was from the Beginning
*Doctrine & Covenants 25:5

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