Helping Hands at Home

For the Gabby Mom's this month I'm reviewing this kindle book from Mrs. Lorrie Flem called Helping Hands at Home.  You do not want to miss this offer.  It is a 30 page e-book packed FULL of how to clean your bathrooms and kitchen.

I must admit that I zeroed right in on the bathroom tips because cleaning bathrooms wasn't a priority in my house growing up as a child (and trust me, with 6 kids it should have been!) and has been one area of cleaning that's always baffled me to keep up with.  Well, no longer!  Lorrie gives step by step instructions about how to get and keep the job done, and even better, how to teach your children to do it. 

I immediately went to the store and bought new cleaning supplies and made a cleaning kit for both bathrooms.  Then I spent some time teaching my 7 & 5 year olds to clean one bathroom and my 11 year old to clean the other.  They thought it was fun!  We haven't been able to finish the job as fast as Lorrie says it can be done, but I imagine that takes practice.  Wow, what a difference!  I no longer cringe when I go into the bathroom because of how neglected it has been.

The bathroom tips alone  in Helping Hands at Home is worth the .99 cents it cost on Amazon for this little treasure.  But wait! There's more.  Next you'll get to learn a step by step process to clean the kitchen.  We actually already do a lot of her steps already but I plan on implementing a few more of her strategies. 

But wait! That's not all!  You also get all kinds of other helpful tips to make your life easier and I love the recipe's to make your own cleaning products.  I made the laundry soap and it was easy and CHEAP.  I probably won't try the other cleaning recipes till after I deliver my baby but they look to be very easy and cost effective. 

Thanks again, Lorrie of Eternal Encouragement, for offering such a helpful product to help women like me.  You can't beat the price for the quality and information.

As a member of the Gabby Mom's Program, I received this product for free in return for my honest review.

How To Love Your Prince When He Isn't Charming

If God created a special woman, perfectly suited to be your husband’s helper would you top the list? Would you even make the list?  Did you realize that God created you to be a help meet for your husband?  A helper who is perfectly suited to, worthy of, and capable?

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Gen 2:18)
Neither was the man created for the woman but the woman for the man; Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman; neither the woman without the man, in the Lord (1 Cor 11:9,11)

God is not looking for happy women to make them into help meets for men.  He is looking for women who are willing to be true help meets, so He can fill them full of joy.-- Debi Pearl

Do you view your activities, your talents, your time, your priorities, your wants, your wishes, your needs as more important than your husband’s?  

If any of your answers to these questions, pricked your conscience, then I challenge you to turn over a new leaf and rejoice as you do so, for God has decreed that He will bless us when we keep his commandments. (Leviticus 26: 3-12, 1 Peter 3:1, Revelations 22:14)

When we put our husband first, not because we are forced to, but because we choose to, we get back more of what we always wanted; we get what we didn’t even know we were missing.  As a woman myself who has been on both sides of this fence.  I can unequivocally say God’s way is a lot better than my way.

I have learned to find my life inside of his.  From the beginning, God meant for me and you to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, an encouragement, a right-hand woman to our husband. I picture the Lord saying to me  “I speak unto you, Deanna, my daughter, and the office of thy calling shall be for a comfort unto my servant, Roger, thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness.”*

Ephesians 5:32 “And the wife see that she reverence her husband”

 I looked up reverence in Noah Websters 1828 dictionary because I wanted to read a definition written by a people who regularly read their bibles.  Reverence means to regard with reverence; with fear, with respect and affection.   

God didn’t say obey my husband only if I feel like it or reverence him only if he deserves it or has earned it, or if he’s doing everything he’s supposed to be doing, or only if he’s perfect!  I looked, God didn’t list any exceptions, buts, or what if’s. Reverence is a choice we make that isn't based on our feelings.  When we wives reverence our husbands we show reverence towards God who placed us in that role, under our husband's leadership, under his strength or even under his weakness.

Now I understand that on days when the house is a mess, the kids are fighting, everyone's hungry, dinner's not ready and you're utterly exhausted,  you may look across the room at your man snoozing in the recliner and think “How in the world does he deserve me as his help meet!?”  But who said anything about what he deserves.  You can only find joy in your womanhood when you are functioning according to your created nature. To covet the role of leadership is to covet a burden that will not make God, you, or him happy.  It is not a question of whether or not you can do a better job than he can; it is a matter of doing what you were “designed” to do.  If you successfully do the job of leading the family, you will not find satisfaction in it.  It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you. 

But let me go back and talk about those blessings for our obedience to God’s patriarchal order:  When you make being a help meet your career of choice, your passion: Your excellence as a help meet to him may very well be God’s plan for improving his leadership in the family. As a woman, you cannot take on the male role without permanent damage to the original design.   A lot of our men were not modeled Leadership within the family  when they were growing up and that’s okay.  This life is a time to learn and it’s never too late!!! I no longer get mad at my husband if he doesn’t lead us in prayer or do other things I think he "should" be doing.   Instead, I say to myself --my husband trusts me, he counts on me to make up for where he falls short.

“The heart of my husband, doth safely trust in me”

(Proverbs 31:11)

"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  She will do him good, not evil all the days of her life.  Strength and honor are her clothing.  She openeth her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." This next part is talking about those blessing we’ll get for our obedience. It says, "her children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praiseth her.”  Proverbs 31

What inspiring words.  As a woman whose been on both sides of the fence.  There is a huge difference between having a husband  who loves me because he’s supposed to; to having a husband who often says-- “I love you so much” --  “I’m so lucky to be married to you”--“You are such an awesome wife” and finally “I can’t wait to get home!”

I think of the husband God has given me to teach me how to learn unconditional love, respect, devotion, obedience, charity, kindness, and patience..  All of this even when his hair is a mess and he’s covered head to toe in oil and mud.  It’s not always pretty!  My husband has taught me what it means to be a good man who loves God and his family.  I used to think that meant you had to be a perfect man.  I’ve learned that God wants me to love him when he seems unlovable, to show kindness when I want to be selfish, to forgive when I want to be right, to give respect anyways when I feel like he should earn it first. 

My husband has taught me that he would have done better if he’d known better, that any offense taken was never intentionally given.  He’s taught me that it’s easy to say “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” Life with my husband is the best school room God could ever have put me in to teach me all the things God wants me to learn in this life.  He’s shown me by example what it’s like to never criticize or talk badly to your spouse.  He’s shown me that God uses ordinary, imperfect men to fulfill his purposes and bring us more joy and happiness in life than we ever imagined.  My husband has shown me what faith looks like when he willingly allows God to send all of the children to our family that God wants to send regardless of the enormous pressure he feels to provide  He's shown me again and again that he’ll go to any links to do so even if that means going from a white collar worker at the top of his field to a roughneck on an oil rig down at the bottom.  How I love and respect that man!

Embrace your God ordained Role.  Expect God’s Blessings.  I challenge you, every time you happen to catch your husband’s eye,  reward him with a big smile that says, “You’re the best!  I’m so glad you’re my man. Then tomorrow, do it again!!!

*********

I cannot take credit for the truths presented here, only the huge blessings received from living them. Here are a list of my mentors/books on this subject:
Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Me? Obey Him by Elizabeth Rice Hanford
The Way of Agape: Understanding God's Love by Chuck and Nancy Missler
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Eternal Encouragement Magazine & The Encouraging Mom Program by Lorrie Flem
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
The Holy Bible - by Him whose plan it was from the Beginning

*Doctrine & Covenants 25:5

My Life - More than a Review

As a Gabby Mom, in return for my honest review I've been given the Encouragement: Colorado Power Pack Audio Set to review for the month of May.  Then life threw a HUGE curve ball my way.  My father-in-law was only supposed to have the flu, but instead we found out it was lung and brain cancer.  In less than 2 months time we lost him.  He left us and went to his Heavenly home on June 5, 2012.


I'm really late getting this review out, but I owe it to Lorrie Flem and Eternal Encouragement to get this review done because of what Lorrie did for me during this difficult time.  In fact this is the very reason I signed up to be a Gabby Mom in the first place, why I buy Lorrie's products, why I subscribe to Eternal Encouragment Magazine, and why I pay to be a member of her Encouraging Mom program every year. When I hear Lorrie, she somehow brings the word of God alive in my life and gives me true encouragement, when I don't know if I have anything left.


This past month Lorrie's words kept running over and over in my mind.  I'd say to myself, "Even though my father-in-law is dying, I can have a good day today!"  Then after his death, I keep telling myself, even though he's gone and I'm so sad we didn't have more time with him, I can still have a good day today.  Lorrie knows it's possible because on a recording in the Colorado Power Pack she told me how she chose to have a good day and do the next best thing when her mom was dying of breast cancer.

I've listened to these recording again this month: Encouragement and Hope for the Weary, the 12 Habits of a Queen in Her Castle, Welcome Home Daddy and many more... and I'm so filled with encourement to do the next best thing.  Lorrie says I shouldn't be doing anything outside of my home unless I'm taking care of the basics within my home, like feeding my children every meal, everyday instead of taking the lazy way out and having them fend for themselves.  She said so much about how to be a Godly wife.  It really sunk in!  When my husband and I have been married for 51 years like my father-in-law  was to my mother-in-law, I don't want to have ANY regrets.  I want to know that I poured over God's word, found his truth and was obedient.  My marriage went from good to WOW when I stopped doing it my way a few years ago and started doing it God's way.  I've never met her in person, but I consider Lorrie Flem as my mentor to stay on this path so I won't revert to my old familiar ways.  She knows what I need to do, she has the ability to inspire, she has a passion for the Word of God, she makes me believe I can reach my goals.

So, I encourage you, if you want to find what I've found and you want an excellent teacher, then here is an excellent way to start.  Go here and let Lorrie Flem inspire you too. 

The Laundry Cure

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who prays over housework!  Yes, I admit it.  I pray over my messes and more than one person has laughed at me for admitting such a thing.  Then the first week of January my favorite weekly e-newsletter, “Serenity for your Soul” appears in my inbox.  The writer, Lorrie Flem, of Eternal Encouragement always seem to say exactly what I need to hear.

Here is what Lorrie wrote:  “When I was newly married, I was not quite a pretty picture of Suzy Homemaker.  Truth be told. I more closely resembled the Horrid Homemaker or Psycho Suzy.”  Wow, Lorrie, we must be twins separated at birth!  That’s exactly how I felt during my newlywed years.  It amazed me how much mess 2 adults could generate and this brain of mine could not wrap my head around a system to clean it up.  Let me clarify:  Yes I knew how to wash dishes, wash laundry and scrub toilets, but doing them sporadically without some type of system is not going to keep your house clean! 

I did the best I could till baby number 3.  Oh no, that means we’ll now have 5 mess makers in the family.  I can’t even keep up with 4!  Lorrie’s answer in her free weekly newsletter is the same answer I found 12 years ago: Lorrie writes “In Philippians 4:13, God says some words that should give all homemakers hope: ‘I can do all things thru Him who gives me strength.’”  She even told me why I couldn’t seem to get things right the first 6 years of marriage.  She said, “If you put a period after ‘all things,’ this statement is wrong. ‘I can do all things.’  YOU can’t…what blows the lid off our limitations is the rest of the verse: Thru Christ who gives me strength.”  Thanks Lorrie, I really needed this timely reminder!

I’ve had these words bouncing around in my head all month as I’ve prayed over my housework and a couple of amazing things happened.  First, I realized that, my kids needed their chores changed up.  They were unmotivated to complete their normal chores and the mess was threatening to take over.  Second, God used my 16 year old daughter, to deliver something BIG!!! Are you ready --- The Laundry Cure!!!

First let me explain.  We have 5 large dirty clothes hampers in our house. We barely keep the hampers from turning into mountains, most of the time.  For the past year our routine has been like this:  I’ll wash a couple loads a day, then at chore time my 16 year old daughter is in charge of folding all clean laundry, then all children help put them away.  That sort of worked for a little while.  Problems: 1 - it took too long to fold so many clothes so only part of them would be folded 2 - she couldn’t get full cooperation from her brothers to put their assigned clothes away when folded 3 - the unfolded portion from each day started backing up the flow because I stop washing if there is nowhere to put clean laundry, and 4 - this defeating cycle started wearing the kids out and it was getting to the point where I was having to take over every aspect of laundry because mountains were forming. 

In comes God’s gift: The Laundry Cure!  We had a family meeting to discuss why everyone was struggling with chores and and to get input from the kids to find out which chores they would and would not like to do.  We were just about done making new assignments when my sweet daughter said, “Mom, why don’t we just throw all the clean clothes in a pile and let everyone grab and put up their own.  That’s what so-and-so does.  Besides, the boys clothes never stay folded in their drawers, so why fold them.”  My first thought was shock, “What, don’t fold the clothes!?!”  This was followed by the realization that she was right. At least half of the clothes folded in this house are unfolded almost immediately after being put away.  So we decided to try an experiment.  We  got all the clean laundry in the house, which at that time was about 5-7 loads and timed how long it would take to sort it.  It took 7 minutes!  Then it took about 25 more minutes to fold non-clothes items, like towels and sheets, and to put everything away.  Wow! That’s about how long it normally takes for just the folding of 1-2 loads. 

I’ve been washing like a maniac this past week.  I’ve emptied all the dirty clothes hampers.  If I run out of baskets to put clothes in out of the dryer, I find empty boxes.  Then every other day I call everyone to the living room, dump the laundry in a big pile in the middle of the floor and in about 30 minutes all the laundry is put away!  Talk about freedom!  Thank you Lorrie of Eternal Encouragement. Laundry was too much for me, but it wasn’t for God.

Lorrie’s free newsletter is dedicated to women who hunger and search for righteousness where the fruit is peace, quietness, confident trust and a sparkle in her eye.  If that sounds like you then sign up here.  I'm part of the Gabby Mom's Program and have been asked to give my honest review of the Serenity for your Soul newsletter.

Part 4: Setting Goals~ Don’t waste another minute!

Years ago a friend taught me the power of goal setting.  She said that if you write your goals down, your subconscious will be working on it even when you’re not thinking about it.  She told me a story of when her family was broke and her husband was only making about $600 a month.  They borrowed money from a family member to attend a seminar where they learned the power of goal setting.  On day one they were given a homework assignment to set a goal.  Not just any ol’ goal they could accomplish on their own, something HUGE, beyond their own ability.   You know, the “Dream big” philosophy.

This is how that conversation went:

Oh, wouldn’t it be amazing to make $2,000 a month!  Well, maybe we could make $3,000. That would be awesome!  Hmm…should we even dare to dream it?  Why don’t we go for it? Let’s write down $5,000 a month!!!! 

It was mind boggling, but that’s what they wrote down.  Fast forward a few months.  Her husband is offered a job.  They ask him how much he wants to make.  He immediately remembers this seminar experience, so of course he says $5,000 a month. Guess what?  They gave it to him.  That’s not the end of the story though.  Achieving goals is not usually so cut and dry like that.  Something fell thru, he never got paid by this boss and the job fell apart, BUT it opened a new door in his career, which over time, did create and surpass this income.

Next, this friend taught me how to create a vision board, a poster board with pictures of things she desired (a baby boy, a minivan, a computer among other things).  They moved house, the poster got packed away somewhere and she forgot all about it. Sometime later she found it.  She had another baby by this time; It was a boy.  She had the exact minivan on her poster.  She did not have the same computer from her vision board, but would you believe she had the exact desk that the computer was sitting on! 

I didn’t understand any spiritual principles behind setting goals, but she convinced me to give it a try. 

I’ve had my own similar experiences, in big ways, like getting out of debt, and little ways, like writing a book outline.  I believe this blog only exists because of the goal I made in 2008 to write a book for my children.  “Embracing My Mission” is a goal that started small; to leave my story for our children.   I have no idea what God has in store for it.  I never intended to bear my soul to the world wide web, but here I am!

How to set a goal: 

First, you must, must, must…WRITE it down.  I’m sure you’ve heard that before and for good reason.  This doesn’t have to be complicated or fancy.  In fact you may never do it if you think you have to do it perfectly.  Get a piece of paper.  Take 10 minutes, brainstorm, and write down every goal you can think of.  Write everything that’s important to you and everything you want.   I write spiritual goals, family goals, educational goals, parenting goals, homemaking goals… and anything that falls under dreams & hopes.  Hang this goal list in a place you can see it often. 

Second (this is optional), create a vision board. Get a poster and paste/tape/staple pictures that represent everything you want.  For example, I have a picture of myself smiling to remind myself to smile often thru the day.

Are you done yet!  If so you’ve done the most important part.  You’ve set your feet on the beginning of the path that will take you where you want to go.  I’ve heard it said, “Those who aim for nothing, hit it with amazing accuracy!”  God has bigger plans for you!  Aim for something! 

I find that if I meet with my children regularly (monthly/bi-monthly) and go over our goals, they happen faster.  Even goals we seem to have no control over.  Like the time my daughter wanted to go to Japan (we’ve hosted 5 Japanese exchange students over the years).  We didn’t have extra money laying around for airfare to foreign lands, but we trust God and the goal setting process.   Guess what?  We won an airline ticket from the exchange student organization.  My daughter had her ticket purchased and was schedule to go less than a week before last year’s earthquake and tsunami devastated parts of Japan.  No, she didn’t go.  I’ve learned that goals don’t always exactly happen like we imagine they will, but they usually happen in some form or other. 

This year I’m going to spend more time writing out each goal in more explicit detail to get a better vision of what I really want.  Sometimes I put something on my goal or vision board and when I get it or almost get it, I discover I didn’t really want it.  Like the time I had a cruise posted on my vision board.  Some friends, out of the blue with no knowledge of my goal, offered my husband and I a half priced cruise they were not going to use.  We turned it down.  I realized I didn’t really want to go on a cruise.  I took it off my vision board. 

 “Where there is no vision, the people perish…” (Proverbs 29:18)  I likewise believe that if I set no vision or goals before me, than the abundant life I could have had, will perish before me.  What are you waiting for? Set goals and go for it!

This is a 6 part series:

Part 1 Overcoming Weaknesses

Part2 Look to God

Part3 Be Patient

Part 4 Set Goals!  Don’t Waste Another Minute!

Part 5 Daily Spiritual Checkpoints

Part 6 Prayer

Part 3: Be Patient!

It takes time to change. 

I’ve kept a pretty faithful record in my journals and most changes in me that were significant and important took not just months, but years!  Remember how I set my original goal to learn to be like Mrs. Duggar (ie. learn to speak with a meek and quiet spirit) in January of 2009?  If I had given up after 1 year, thinking God was not helping me, I would have lost - BIG time! 

It took a full 1 year 8 months for the very first significant change to occur.  This was when a friend mentored me in biblical child training and discipline principles (see Part 1).   After 2 months of trying to absorb and implement this into my family I saw huge results in my home.  After a few more months of working on this, I KNEW I was on the road to meeting my goal; at the beginning of the road, but on the road nevertheless.

It wasn’t until October 2011(2 years 10 months after setting my goal) that I made significant, noticeable progress on my original goal.  In fact my first realization came while I was talking with my teenage daughter about it.  She said “Mom, you’re about 90% there!”  That made my year!

I believe that God will only change me up to my capacity to change.  I’ve also learned that given time, faith, and willingness, God can enlarge my capacity as long as I don’t cast out that righteous goal because of my unbelief.

Just a word of forewarning:  Even after making so much progress thru the years, it is still very easy to slip back into old patterns of behavior and thinking.  I’ve noticed this with many changes I’ve made over the years.   Don’t give up because you slip back into the old you!  Expect it, so when it happens you can say, “hmm…I guess I’m human!”  Then move on.  If I blow it the difference is very noticeable to me, and I’m much quicker to apologize, repent and get back on track.

Scriptures say that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things, and it never fails (1 Corinthians 13:7-8).  Being patient, enduring and waiting on the Lord and His timing is such an important part of the journey.  It may take me years, but I believe I will not fail.

Where is the Lord asking you to be patient and wait on Him?

This is a 6 part series:

Part 1 Overcoming Weaknesses

Part 2 Look to God

Part 4 Set Goals! Don’t Waste Another Minute!

Part 5 Daily Spiritual Checkpoints

Part 6 Prayer

Part 2 - Look to God

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden” (Matthew 11:28 )  Sometimes family life is hard.  The housing market crash and economic nose dive in California severely affected my family leaving me weary and heavy laden!  Working on my goals was not on my radar during this crisis.

Before setting my goal in Jan ’09 to be like Mrs. Duggar, I had been asking God in daily quiet time to gently show me what I was unwilling to turn over to Him.    My inability to always have a meek and quiet spirit is one thing he showed me.    I thought I was a pretty average homeschooling mom with a pretty mild temper.  Obviously God thought I could have something so much better.

God invites US to come to HIM.  I have to recognize my weaknesses so that God can change them. Whether known or unknown, God will not automatically change or remove my disposition, the way I  think, feel, act or react, because that would be taking away my free will.  God is a gentleman.  He will not violate my free will by forcibly taking these things from me.  It has to be an offering of myself that I’m willing to give freely. 

What if I don’t know what my weakness is?  I didn’t know of my weakness either, but in looking to God in my daily quiet time and asking Him in prayer to reveal what I needed to change, the answer came unexpectedly.   One day I watched the Duggar’s show on TV, it jumped out at me and caught my attention in a very unforgettable way (read part 1 for details).  If I had not been praying I may not have noticed a thing.  I’ve  since watched that episode over and over and that moment that changed my life, happened so quick.  It would have been so easy to miss amongst my other, seemingly bigger life problems.  That’s where God comes in. 

When God speaks to me, it amplifies all the senses – I hear more, I see more, I feel more, I know more and I do more.  Instead of the thought diminishing over time, it stays right there, at the front, constant and persistent.  God promises thru His Word to show me my weaknesses so that I can give them to Him. “Ask, and it shall be given you, seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (Matthew 7:7) 

Our Heavenly Father is such a good and loving Father.  As I lay myself before Him, He promises that His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

It’s a choice.  God is waiting at the door - we have to knock!

This is a 6 part series:

Part 1 Overcoming Weaknesses

Part 3 Be Patient

Part 4 Set Goals! Don’t Waste Another Minute!

Part 5 Daily Spiritual Checkpoints

Part 6 Prayer