Part 3: Be Patient!

It takes time to change. 

I’ve kept a pretty faithful record in my journals and most changes in me that were significant and important took not just months, but years!  Remember how I set my original goal to learn to be like Mrs. Duggar (ie. learn to speak with a meek and quiet spirit) in January of 2009?  If I had given up after 1 year, thinking God was not helping me, I would have lost - BIG time! 

It took a full 1 year 8 months for the very first significant change to occur.  This was when a friend mentored me in biblical child training and discipline principles (see Part 1).   After 2 months of trying to absorb and implement this into my family I saw huge results in my home.  After a few more months of working on this, I KNEW I was on the road to meeting my goal; at the beginning of the road, but on the road nevertheless.

It wasn’t until October 2011(2 years 10 months after setting my goal) that I made significant, noticeable progress on my original goal.  In fact my first realization came while I was talking with my teenage daughter about it.  She said “Mom, you’re about 90% there!”  That made my year!

I believe that God will only change me up to my capacity to change.  I’ve also learned that given time, faith, and willingness, God can enlarge my capacity as long as I don’t cast out that righteous goal because of my unbelief.

Just a word of forewarning:  Even after making so much progress thru the years, it is still very easy to slip back into old patterns of behavior and thinking.  I’ve noticed this with many changes I’ve made over the years.   Don’t give up because you slip back into the old you!  Expect it, so when it happens you can say, “hmm…I guess I’m human!”  Then move on.  If I blow it the difference is very noticeable to me, and I’m much quicker to apologize, repent and get back on track.

Scriptures say that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things, and it never fails (1 Corinthians 13:7-8).  Being patient, enduring and waiting on the Lord and His timing is such an important part of the journey.  It may take me years, but I believe I will not fail.

Where is the Lord asking you to be patient and wait on Him?

This is a 6 part series:

Part 1 Overcoming Weaknesses

Part 2 Look to God

Part 4 Set Goals! Don’t Waste Another Minute!

Part 5 Daily Spiritual Checkpoints

Part 6 Prayer

Part 2 - Look to God

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden” (Matthew 11:28 )  Sometimes family life is hard.  The housing market crash and economic nose dive in California severely affected my family leaving me weary and heavy laden!  Working on my goals was not on my radar during this crisis.

Before setting my goal in Jan ’09 to be like Mrs. Duggar, I had been asking God in daily quiet time to gently show me what I was unwilling to turn over to Him.    My inability to always have a meek and quiet spirit is one thing he showed me.    I thought I was a pretty average homeschooling mom with a pretty mild temper.  Obviously God thought I could have something so much better.

God invites US to come to HIM.  I have to recognize my weaknesses so that God can change them. Whether known or unknown, God will not automatically change or remove my disposition, the way I  think, feel, act or react, because that would be taking away my free will.  God is a gentleman.  He will not violate my free will by forcibly taking these things from me.  It has to be an offering of myself that I’m willing to give freely. 

What if I don’t know what my weakness is?  I didn’t know of my weakness either, but in looking to God in my daily quiet time and asking Him in prayer to reveal what I needed to change, the answer came unexpectedly.   One day I watched the Duggar’s show on TV, it jumped out at me and caught my attention in a very unforgettable way (read part 1 for details).  If I had not been praying I may not have noticed a thing.  I’ve  since watched that episode over and over and that moment that changed my life, happened so quick.  It would have been so easy to miss amongst my other, seemingly bigger life problems.  That’s where God comes in. 

When God speaks to me, it amplifies all the senses – I hear more, I see more, I feel more, I know more and I do more.  Instead of the thought diminishing over time, it stays right there, at the front, constant and persistent.  God promises thru His Word to show me my weaknesses so that I can give them to Him. “Ask, and it shall be given you, seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (Matthew 7:7) 

Our Heavenly Father is such a good and loving Father.  As I lay myself before Him, He promises that His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

It’s a choice.  God is waiting at the door - we have to knock!

This is a 6 part series:

Part 1 Overcoming Weaknesses

Part 3 Be Patient

Part 4 Set Goals! Don’t Waste Another Minute!

Part 5 Daily Spiritual Checkpoints

Part 6 Prayer

Part 1 - Overcoming Weaknesses

Every January I write a goal list for the New Year to give me a vision of what’s important, what I dream and hope for and what I want to accomplish.  In January 2009 I wrote on my goal list "Learn to be kind like Mrs. Duggar".  She's the mom star of “19 Kids and Counting” on The Learning Channel (TLC).  Why did I make this goal?  A couple years ago, I was watching their show when Michelle was getting a Mother’s of the year award on Mother’s Day. A few children commented on why their Mom was so special but one son in particular said something I’ve never forgotten.  In fact, thru the wonders of technology I’ve been able look it up and write it down. He said, “Most people, when they discipline their kids, they’re more angry. But my mom, she’s real calm and she disciplines us that way. So I like it.”

 I’ve watched most episodes of their show and read both Duggar books.  I’ve never met Michelle Duggar but I consider her a mentor of sorts.  I’ve seen so many desirable, Godly attributes in her like the respect she shows her husband, her meek and quiet spirit her ever present smile and encouraging words, and even the tone of voice she uses.  I know she gets angry but her response is different than the norm...instead of yelling, she instructs and basically tries to be an example of Jesus.  In her own words she says "I want our home to be a safe place where our children feel love and acceptance.  Anger is a destructive force (and) can destroy everything we are trying to teach our children. It can build a wall between them and us" ( A Love That Multiplies: An Up-Close View of How They Make it Work, p. 219).  I truly want to learn what she has learned.

Fast forward to Jan 2010…  Here I’ve been working on this goal for a whole year and in my mind I’ve made no noticeable progress.  I’m still the same old me!  So here we go again - “Learn to be like Mrs. Duggar”  I write on my 2010 goal list with the resolve to work on it harder.  I don’t know from experience, but surely it’s possible to be as 1 Peter 3:4 says, to "adorn myself with a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." 

Many more months go by-no noticeable progress - when one day I’m on the phone with a long distance friend. My friend says to me, “Will you excuse me just a moment?”  I hear her voice drop real soft as she addresses one of her children and then she quietly send them on their way.  I didn’t think much of it at that moment, but the memory of that event kept coming back to my mind, over and over again, till the awareness fully dawned on me – She knows something you don’t, so you need to ask her.

I did talk to my friend.  She taught me some important Biblical principles about child training and discipline that I didn’t really know or understand.  In hindsight I see now that I needed to learn and implement these principles in my life to enable me to reach my goal. 

I’m trying to be very real and very honest as I “spill the beans” on myself and tell you how God is helping me. The whole point of my new blog is to embrace my God given life mission and share what I have learned with my family and anyone else who God leads to this blog.  I’m going to chronicle this journey of Overcoming Weaknesses in a 6 part blog. Watch for them!

Part 2 Look to God

Part 3 Be Patient

Part 4 Set Goals!  Don’t Waste Another Minute!

Part 5 Daily Spiritual Checkpoints

Part 6 Prayer

Practice on the Dog - Love your children!?!

How is it that extraordinary things happen in such ordinary moments? I was on the porch sorting thru my Sunday paper.  The only treasures I expected to find were my coupons when I spotted Buddy sitting on the lawn.  He's a relative's dog whose been living with us.  I don't like Buddy!  I don't want Buddy!  He's obsessed with me and follows me constantly!

Then it happened, a thought crossed my mind out of nowhere: "Be nice to the dog!  Love the one you don't want to love.  Speak kindly to him when its the last thing you want to do."  As I wrote this moment in my journal, Buddy kept bringing me his ball to play fetch, when I didn't want to play fetch. It's so obvious that God is trying to teach me more than how to love an annoying dog. 

I often struggle with similar situations & emotions in the day to day life with my 6 children whom I dearly love.  The longer I sit on the porch with Buddy, the more similarities between the dog and children I see.  He slobbers on me, he wants to play with me when I'm busy or after the point I'm done.  He follows me like a shadow, and he quickly forgets every wrong with a simple word of kindness. No wonder God wants me to practice on the Dog! 

I've had it written on my goal list  and in my daily prayers, for a couple years now, to be like Michelle Duggar (no yelling, be patient, keep a kind expression on my face).  Is this God's wisdom to teach me how to do what I really want to do but keep missing the mark?  Practice loving whom I don't want to love and maybe I'll be successful with those I do.

3 Months Later... Buddy doesn't live with us anymore, but God helped me do what He asked and I was able to love Buddy and be kind, gentle and accepting of him till he went back home.  During this time, God has done a great work in me to help me reach my "Mrs. Duggar" goal.  My 15 year old daughter says I'm at least 90 percent there.  So Buddy, I don't want you back, but thanks for all your help!

Update: 9 months later... I've continued to learn so much from learning to love Buddy.  I would gladly take him back.  We've even gotten 2 dogs since he left and I'm acting out in love to one of them who is hard to love.  Thank goodness love is a choice and love is an action instead of just an emotion.  My emotions have followed my decision/action to love as I take him on walks and works with him on his doggie issues.  It's also so much easier to choose love for my family members over conflicting emotions I may feel in the moment.  God amazingly uses small things to bring about great things in my life.