"Yelling: The Cause, The Casualty, The Cure" - FREE Kindle Book

As a member of the Gabby Mom's Program I've been given a free copy of Yelling: The Cause, The Casualty, The Cure by Lorrie Flem, in return for my honest review.  Stay tuned and I'll tell you when and how you can get this e-book FREE!

I actually bought this e-book last year from Eternal Encouragement Magazine because I had been working on eliminating this ineffective parenting tool from my repertoire for some time. This short, concise e-book had many of the tips that I felt like God was teaching me these past 4 year as I've constantly prayed asking for help to stop yelling and to speak with kindness even when I don't feel like it.  The only thing I felt this book lacked were examples from the author, Lorrie Flem's, own struggle as she worked to overcome yelling.  But even that can't detract from the sound advice given!

In Yelling: The Cause, The Casualty, The Cure, Lorrie recommends identifying the triggers.  It got this Mama to sit back and think about what has driven me to yell.    

"Keep a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips" Proverbs 141:3

As I reflected on my triggers I came up with the acronym H-A-L-T when I feel a yell coming on because these scenarios are the ones that most often tempt me to yell!

H is for Hurried or Hungry

A is for Angry

L is for Lazy and

T is for Tired

H is for hurried.  Would you believe that of all the days for me to get angry and yell was on Sunday mornings right before church.  I'd get so frustrated because we were running late and I'd start imagining that I must be the only person in the house who cared whether or not we got to church on time.  It was a mad scramble trying to find everyone's clothes and shoes, and get food into hungry stomachs.  If we needed to pull out of the driveway at 9:30 to get to church by 10:00 I'd start yelling for everyone to go to the car at 9:30.  Ten minutes later I'd be yelling at a child who still didn't have their shoes on and maybe 10 minutes after that we'd be in the car.  I'd be so mad on the way to church I would ignore everyone in the car.  I finally realized I couldn't pass the buck and blame this problem on the others.  Am I the Mom or am I not?  I got real and I got honest with myself.  First, I realized that I needed to get up earlier. My whole life I've given myself 1 hour to get ready to go somewhere and insanely kept this into practice when I was trying to get myself and my whole family ready and out the door - talk about mission impossible! Now I get everyone up 2 hours early and I've also learned that it takes my family 15-20 minutes to load into the car. That's very useful information in order to set a plan that will work.  Next I stopped blaming my husband for not setting or waking me with his alarm.  I took full responsibility and set my own alarm (sounds obvious doesn't it?). Finally I learned that my relationship with my children and husband is more important than being on time anywhere - even church!  H is also for hungry. Lorrie writes in Yelling: The Cause, The Casualty, The Cure  that "mealtimes are a very important aspect of caring for a child.  Mealtimes should be set and regular so as to set up good eating habits"  This advice is equally important for parents.  Menu planning may not sound fun but it can go a long way into keeping everyone fed and chaos at a minimum.  I've been one of those mom's staring into the pantry and 6 p.m. wondering what in the world to fix for dinner.  Start the day out, ahead of the game, by having a plan for feeding your family in place.

A is for Angry.  Do you get angry when the house is a mess, when the kids are fighting, when you don't get your way, when their is too much noise, when kids seem to whine instead of talk rationally?  Lorrie recommends speaking in a whisper.  I don't know why it works but the softer I speak to my children the more they listen and obey.  If I yell at my kids I don't get satisfactory results and I haven't won their hearts.  God is the ultimate authority on this and He says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)  I"ve also tackled the whining problem in the kids thanks to another product Lorrie wrote about whining.  I've told my children that a whining voice doesn't get them anything that they want cause I can't hear a voice like that.  Now I daily find myself modeling to the children the voice I want them to use. For example if the 2 yr old comes up begging for milk in a pouty voice.  I teach her how to ask by saying in a calm, pleasant voice, "milk please."  She instantly changes her tone of voice and even uses the sign  for please as she calmly says "milk please."

L is for Lazy.  I've discovered that yelling is the lazy way of parenting.  I remember a few years ago journaling my discouragment about the ongoing fighting between 2 of my little boys.  As I prayed about this situation God helped me see that I was regarding whatever I was doing as much more important than what they were doing, so when a fight would start, instead of getting up and parenting, I'd yell across the house for them to straighten up!  I was too lazy to put in the effort needed to train my children up in obedience and correct behavior.  It's a lot of work being a parent! Just today, I was visiting with my sister and brother-in-law and when a skirmish erupted in the kitchen and I did not feel like getting up to handle it.  I really wanted to yell from the couch and make the problem go away.  God knew this temptation I would face when He said a child left to himself brings his mother to shame (Proverbs 29:15).  I started to yell, but caught my self,  got up and disciplined in a calm quiet voice.   God, help me daily to be up to the task!

T is for Tired.  Have you ever been SO tired and you just knew that a nap is exactly what you needed, especially if you've been up thru the night caring for a little one night after night, or worse, your sick and need some extra sleep?  Now imagine being repeatedly awoken from your perfect slumber!  Oh, how my blood would boil when this has happened to me and I would want nothing more than to give the offending culprits a sound scolding (aka yelling)!  Having identified how this makes me feels, I can completely alter the course of events by discussing with the children what I need for the next hour:  "Mom is going to rest in the bedroom.  No one is to knock on the door unless there is an emergency. Please ask older brother or sister if you need any help or get hungry.  Big kids, please check on the little ones if they start getting real loud, or start knocking on my door"  Trust me when I say you need to review these instructions EVERY time you take a nap.  Don't assume they'll remember.

So the next time your tempted to yell, HALT, then reach for this free e-book I'm about to tell you about, to get the encouragement you need to stop yelling....

Now that I've spilt my own beans about my struggles and triumphs overcoming yelling, let me give you the exciting news!  You can get your own FREE Kindle book of Yelling: The Cause, The Casualty, The Cure by going here on July 24th!  And that's not all: you're invited to a Facebook party here on July 24th from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. EDT.  Mark your calendar or set your alarm cause it's only good for 1 day!

How To Love Your Prince When He Isn't Charming

If God created a special woman, perfectly suited to be your husband’s helper would you top the list? Would you even make the list?  Did you realize that God created you to be a help meet for your husband?  A helper who is perfectly suited to, worthy of, and capable?

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Gen 2:18)
Neither was the man created for the woman but the woman for the man; Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman; neither the woman without the man, in the Lord (1 Cor 11:9,11)

God is not looking for happy women to make them into help meets for men.  He is looking for women who are willing to be true help meets, so He can fill them full of joy.-- Debi Pearl

Do you view your activities, your talents, your time, your priorities, your wants, your wishes, your needs as more important than your husband’s?  

If any of your answers to these questions, pricked your conscience, then I challenge you to turn over a new leaf and rejoice as you do so, for God has decreed that He will bless us when we keep his commandments. (Leviticus 26: 3-12, 1 Peter 3:1, Revelations 22:14)

When we put our husband first, not because we are forced to, but because we choose to, we get back more of what we always wanted; we get what we didn’t even know we were missing.  As a woman myself who has been on both sides of this fence.  I can unequivocally say God’s way is a lot better than my way.

I have learned to find my life inside of his.  From the beginning, God meant for me and you to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, an encouragement, a right-hand woman to our husband. I picture the Lord saying to me  “I speak unto you, Deanna, my daughter, and the office of thy calling shall be for a comfort unto my servant, Roger, thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness.”*

Ephesians 5:32 “And the wife see that she reverence her husband”

 I looked up reverence in Noah Websters 1828 dictionary because I wanted to read a definition written by a people who regularly read their bibles.  Reverence means to regard with reverence; with fear, with respect and affection.   

God didn’t say obey my husband only if I feel like it or reverence him only if he deserves it or has earned it, or if he’s doing everything he’s supposed to be doing, or only if he’s perfect!  I looked, God didn’t list any exceptions, buts, or what if’s. Reverence is a choice we make that isn't based on our feelings.  When we wives reverence our husbands we show reverence towards God who placed us in that role, under our husband's leadership, under his strength or even under his weakness.

Now I understand that on days when the house is a mess, the kids are fighting, everyone's hungry, dinner's not ready and you're utterly exhausted,  you may look across the room at your man snoozing in the recliner and think “How in the world does he deserve me as his help meet!?”  But who said anything about what he deserves.  You can only find joy in your womanhood when you are functioning according to your created nature. To covet the role of leadership is to covet a burden that will not make God, you, or him happy.  It is not a question of whether or not you can do a better job than he can; it is a matter of doing what you were “designed” to do.  If you successfully do the job of leading the family, you will not find satisfaction in it.  It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you. 

But let me go back and talk about those blessings for our obedience to God’s patriarchal order:  When you make being a help meet your career of choice, your passion: Your excellence as a help meet to him may very well be God’s plan for improving his leadership in the family. As a woman, you cannot take on the male role without permanent damage to the original design.   A lot of our men were not modeled Leadership within the family  when they were growing up and that’s okay.  This life is a time to learn and it’s never too late!!! I no longer get mad at my husband if he doesn’t lead us in prayer or do other things I think he "should" be doing.   Instead, I say to myself --my husband trusts me, he counts on me to make up for where he falls short.

“The heart of my husband, doth safely trust in me”

(Proverbs 31:11)

"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.  She will do him good, not evil all the days of her life.  Strength and honor are her clothing.  She openeth her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." This next part is talking about those blessing we’ll get for our obedience. It says, "her children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praiseth her.”  Proverbs 31

What inspiring words.  As a woman whose been on both sides of the fence.  There is a huge difference between having a husband  who loves me because he’s supposed to; to having a husband who often says-- “I love you so much” --  “I’m so lucky to be married to you”--“You are such an awesome wife” and finally “I can’t wait to get home!”

I think of the husband God has given me to teach me how to learn unconditional love, respect, devotion, obedience, charity, kindness, and patience..  All of this even when his hair is a mess and he’s covered head to toe in oil and mud.  It’s not always pretty!  My husband has taught me what it means to be a good man who loves God and his family.  I used to think that meant you had to be a perfect man.  I’ve learned that God wants me to love him when he seems unlovable, to show kindness when I want to be selfish, to forgive when I want to be right, to give respect anyways when I feel like he should earn it first. 

My husband has taught me that he would have done better if he’d known better, that any offense taken was never intentionally given.  He’s taught me that it’s easy to say “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” Life with my husband is the best school room God could ever have put me in to teach me all the things God wants me to learn in this life.  He’s shown me by example what it’s like to never criticize or talk badly to your spouse.  He’s shown me that God uses ordinary, imperfect men to fulfill his purposes and bring us more joy and happiness in life than we ever imagined.  My husband has shown me what faith looks like when he willingly allows God to send all of the children to our family that God wants to send regardless of the enormous pressure he feels to provide  He's shown me again and again that he’ll go to any links to do so even if that means going from a white collar worker at the top of his field to a roughneck on an oil rig down at the bottom.  How I love and respect that man!

Embrace your God ordained Role.  Expect God’s Blessings.  I challenge you, every time you happen to catch your husband’s eye,  reward him with a big smile that says, “You’re the best!  I’m so glad you’re my man. Then tomorrow, do it again!!!

*********

I cannot take credit for the truths presented here, only the huge blessings received from living them. Here are a list of my mentors/books on this subject:
Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Me? Obey Him by Elizabeth Rice Hanford
The Way of Agape: Understanding God's Love by Chuck and Nancy Missler
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Eternal Encouragement Magazine & The Encouraging Mom Program by Lorrie Flem
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
The Holy Bible - by Him whose plan it was from the Beginning

*Doctrine & Covenants 25:5

My Life - More than a Review

As a Gabby Mom, in return for my honest review I've been given the Encouragement: Colorado Power Pack Audio Set to review for the month of May.  Then life threw a HUGE curve ball my way.  My father-in-law was only supposed to have the flu, but instead we found out it was lung and brain cancer.  In less than 2 months time we lost him.  He left us and went to his Heavenly home on June 5, 2012.


I'm really late getting this review out, but I owe it to Lorrie Flem and Eternal Encouragement to get this review done because of what Lorrie did for me during this difficult time.  In fact this is the very reason I signed up to be a Gabby Mom in the first place, why I buy Lorrie's products, why I subscribe to Eternal Encouragment Magazine, and why I pay to be a member of her Encouraging Mom program every year. When I hear Lorrie, she somehow brings the word of God alive in my life and gives me true encouragement, when I don't know if I have anything left.


This past month Lorrie's words kept running over and over in my mind.  I'd say to myself, "Even though my father-in-law is dying, I can have a good day today!"  Then after his death, I keep telling myself, even though he's gone and I'm so sad we didn't have more time with him, I can still have a good day today.  Lorrie knows it's possible because on a recording in the Colorado Power Pack she told me how she chose to have a good day and do the next best thing when her mom was dying of breast cancer.

I've listened to these recording again this month: Encouragement and Hope for the Weary, the 12 Habits of a Queen in Her Castle, Welcome Home Daddy and many more... and I'm so filled with encourement to do the next best thing.  Lorrie says I shouldn't be doing anything outside of my home unless I'm taking care of the basics within my home, like feeding my children every meal, everyday instead of taking the lazy way out and having them fend for themselves.  She said so much about how to be a Godly wife.  It really sunk in!  When my husband and I have been married for 51 years like my father-in-law  was to my mother-in-law, I don't want to have ANY regrets.  I want to know that I poured over God's word, found his truth and was obedient.  My marriage went from good to WOW when I stopped doing it my way a few years ago and started doing it God's way.  I've never met her in person, but I consider Lorrie Flem as my mentor to stay on this path so I won't revert to my old familiar ways.  She knows what I need to do, she has the ability to inspire, she has a passion for the Word of God, she makes me believe I can reach my goals.

So, I encourage you, if you want to find what I've found and you want an excellent teacher, then here is an excellent way to start.  Go here and let Lorrie Flem inspire you too. 

Facebook Party

Mrs. Lorrie Flem of Eternal Encouragement is having another facebook party!  What a treat!  Lorrie's last party was the first Facebook Party I've ever attended and I was amazed at how inspiring it was.  I can't wait to have one again as a Mother's Day gift to myself.  She's also giving all attendees a free gift!  So put it on your calendar and I'll meet you there (click here)!